Produced by David Widger
THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
(In 12 books)
Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
London, 1903
The extraordinary degree of strength a momentary effervescence had givenme to quit the Hermitage, left me the moment I was out of it. I wasscarcely established in my new habitation before I frequently sufferedfrom retentions, which were accompanied by a new complaint; that of arupture, from which I had for some time, without knowing what it was,felt great inconvenience. I soon was reduced to the most cruel state.The physician Thieiry, my old friend, came to see me, and made meacquainted with my situation. The sight of all the apparatus of theinfirmities of years, made me severely feel that when the body is nolonger young, the heart is not so with impunity. The fine season did notrestore me, and I passed the whole year, 1758, in a state of languor,which made me think I was almost at the end of my career. I saw, withimpatience, the closing scene approach. Recovered from the chimeras offriendship, and detached from everything which had rendered lifedesirable to me, I saw nothing more in it that could make it agreeable;all I perceived was wretchedness and misery, which prevented me fromenjoying myself. I sighed after the moment when I was to be free andescape from my enemies. But I must follow the order of events.
My retreat to Montmorency seemed to disconcert Madam d'Epinay; probablyshe did not expect it. My melancholy situation, the severity of theseason, the general dereliction of me by my friends, all made her andGrimm believe, that by driving me to the last extremity, they shouldoblige me to implore mercy, and thus, by vile meanness, render myselfcontemptible, to be suffered to remain in an asylum which honor commandedme to leave. I left it so suddenly that they had not time to prevent thestep from being taken, and they were reduced to the alternative of doubleor quit, to endeavor to ruin me entirely, or to prevail upon me toreturn. Grimm chose the former; but I am of opinion Madam d'Epinay wouldhave preferred the latter, and this from her answer to my last letter,in which she seemed to have laid aside the airs she had given herself inthe preceding ones, and to give an opening to an accommodation. The longdelay of this answer, for which she made me wait a whole month,sufficiently indicates the difficulty she found in giving it a properturn, and the deliberations by which it was preceded. She could not makeany further advances without exposing herself; but after her formerletters, and my sudden retreat from her house, it is impossible not to bestruck with the care she takes in this letter not to suffer an offensiveexpression to escape her. I will copy it at length to enable my readerto judge of what she wrote:
GENEVA, January 17, 1758.
"SIR: I did not receive your letter of the 17th of December untilyesterday. It was sent me in a box filled with different things, andwhich has been all this time upon the road. I shall answer only thepostscript. You may recollect, sir, that we agreed the wages of thegardener of the Hermitage should pass through your hands, the better tomake him feel that he depended upon you, and to avoid the ridiculous andindecent scenes which happened in the time of his predecessor. As aproof of this, the first quarter of his wages were given to you, and afew days before my departure we agreed I should reimburse you what youhad advanced. I know that of this you, at first, made some difficulty;but I had desired you to make these ad