CONTENTS

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Volume I.—No. 3.]——SATURDAY, MAY 8, 1858.——[Price 2 Cents.

STEPHEN H. BRANCH’S
ALLIGATOR.

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c2

Truth Whips Fiction.

Love and Sin.—Fatality of the Metropolis.—DomesticVices.—Virgins Beware.—ParsonsProfess too much, and Practice too little.—“Wemust be Cruel to be Kind.”—A TerribleExample.—Let Sacred Teachers Warntheir precarious Daughters to Avoid theSnares of Music and Fiction.

In the shades of twilight, amid the perfumeof the sunny zones, sat a pale and attenuatedstudent from the northern climes, musing ofhis native vales and hills, and the sweet idolof his heart, whose latest thoughts he had justperused. He had consumed too much midnightoil at college, and his health was gone,and he sought the towering bluffs of Natchezfor restoration, where he was a sophomoricpastor. The figs, and flowers, and balmybreezes restored his health, and he returnedto his native latitudes, and married one ofEve’s most fascinating posterity. He preached

In dale and vill,
And shore and hill,

and came to the metropolis, and cast a gauntletto Dr. Wainwright on bishops and crinoline,which made owls screech, and wormssquirm, and frogs sing, and alligators grimlygrin, and snakes and toads hiss and belch sepulchrals.Wainwright boldly seized thegauntlet shaft, and the sacred pugilists closedlike panthers, and the people hissed, andlaughed, and applauded, as the battle raged,and Bennett filled the air with his most comicdarts, which made the Herald sell like Slievegammonnews. We had worms and boils, andsalt rheum, and ate Graham-bread and mush,and slept with Horace Greeley in Barclaystreet, till our bones did rattle, and we couldnot laugh beyond a whisper, and

Our shanks were so thin,
That negroes did grin,
And, as we passed by,
Dogs and cats did cry.

“Long time in even scale the battle hung,”until Potts and Wainwright retired from thefield as conquerors, in the estimation of themselvesand enthusiastic friends. The sun andmoon and romantic stars performed theirwonted evolutions, and Potts and Wainwrighthad their salaries increased, and rose to Bishopricsand the giddy alpines of the godly avenues,and

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