SIR,
In my last, for want of something better to write about, I told you what aWorld of Fending and Proving we have had of late, in this little Village ofours, about an old-cast-Pair-of-black-Plush-Breeches, which John,our Parish-Clerk, about ten Years ago, it seems, had made a Promise of to oneTrim, who is our Sexton and Dog-Whipper.—To this you write meWord, that you have had more than either one or two Occasions to know a gooddeal of the shifty Behaviour of this said Master Trim,—and thatyou are astonished, nor can you for your Soul conceive, how so worthless aFellow, and so worthless a Thing into the Bargain, could become the Occasion ofsuch a Racket as I have represented.
Now, though you do not say expressly, you could wish to hear any more about it,yet I see plain enough that I have raised your Curiosity; and therefore, fromthe same Motive, that I slightly mentioned it at all in my last Letter, I will,in this, give you a full and very circumstantial Account of the whole Affair.
But, before I begin, I must first set you right in one very material Point, inwhich I have misled you, as to the true Cause of all this Uproar amongstus;—which does not take its Rise, as I then told you, from the Affair ofthe Breeches;—but, on the contrary, the whole Affair of theBreeches has taken its Rise from it:—To understand which, you mustknow, that the first Beginning of the Squabble was not between John theParish-Clerk and Trim the Sexton, but betwixt the Parson of the Parishand the said Master Trim, about an old Watch-Coat, which had many Yearshung up in the Church, which Trim had set his Heart upon; and nothingwould serve Trim but he must take it home, in order to have it convertedinto a warm Under-Petticoat for his Wife, and a Jerkin forhimself, against Winter; which, in a plaintive Tone, he most humblybegg’d his Reverence would consent to.
I need not tell you, Sir, who have so often felt it, that a Principle of strongCompassion transports a generous Mind sometimes beyond what is strictlyright,—the Parson was within an Ace of being an honourable Example ofthis very Crime;—for no sooner did the distinctWords—Petticoat—poor Wife—warm—Winter strikeupon his Ear, but his Heart warmed,—and, before Trim had well gotto the End of his Petition, (being a Gentleman of a frank and open Temper) hetold him he was welcome to it, with all his Heart and Soul. But, Trim,says he, as you see I am but just got down to my Living, and am an utterStranger to all Parish-Matters, know nothing about this old Watch-Coat you begof me, having never seen it in my Life, and therefore cannot be a Judge whether’tis fit for such a Purpose; or, if it is, in Truth, know not whether’tis mine to bestow upon you or not;—you must have a Week or tenDays Patience, till I can make some Inquiries about it;—and, if I find itis in my Power, I tell you again, Man, your Wife is heartily welcome to anUnder-Petticoat out of it, and you to a Jerkin, was the Thing as good again asyou represent it.
It is necessary to inform you, Sir, in this Place, That the Parson wasearnestly bent to serve Trim in this Affair, not only from the Motive ofGenerosity, which I have justly ascribed to him, but likewise from anotherMotive; and tha