Produced by David Widger
THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
(In 12 books)
Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
London, 1903
Leaving the service of Madam de Vercellis nearly as I had entered it,I returned to my former hostess, and remained there five or six weeks;during which time health, youth, and laziness, frequently rendered mytemperament importunate. I was restless, absent, and thoughtful: I weptand sighed for a happiness I had no idea of, though at the same timehighly sensible of some deficiency. This situation is indescribable,few men can even form any conception of it, because, in general, theyhave prevented that plenitude of life, at once tormenting and delicious.My thoughts were incessantly occupied with girls and women, but in amanner peculiar to myself: these ideas kept my senses in a perpetual anddisagreeable activity, though, fortunately, they did not point out themeans of deliverance. I would have given my life to have met with a MissGoton, but the time was past in which the play of infancy predominated;increase of years had introduced shame, the inseparable companion of aconscious deviation from rectitude, which so confirmed my naturaltimidity as to render it invincible; and never, either at that time orsince, could I prevail on myself to offer a proposition favorable to mywishes (unless in a manner constrained to it by previous advances) evenwith those whose scruples I had no cause to dread.
My stay at Madam de Vercellis's had procured me some acquaintance, whichI thought might be serviceable to me, and therefore wished to retain.Among others, I sometimes visited a Savoyard abbe, M. Gaime, who wastutor to the Count of Melarede's children. He was young, and not muchknown, but possessed an excellent cultivated understanding, with greatprobity, and was, altogether, one of the best men I ever knew. He wasincapable of doing me the service I then stood most in need of, nothaving sufficient interest to procure me a situation, but from him Ireaped advantages far more precious, which have been useful to me throughlife, lessons of pure morality, and maxims of sound judgment.
In the successive order of my inclinations and ideas, I had ever been toohigh or too low. Achilles or Thersites; sometimes a hero, at others avillain. M. Gaime took pains to make me properly acquainted with myself,without sparing or giving me too much discouragement. He spoke inadvantageous terms of my disposition and talents, adding, that he foresawobstacles which would prevent my profiting by them; thus, according tohim, they were to serve less as steps by which I should mount to fortune,than as resources which might enable me to exist without one. He gave mea true picture of human life, of which, hitherto, I had formed but a veryerroneous idea, teaching me, that a man of understanding, though destinedto experience adverse fortune, might, by skilful management, arrive athappiness; that there was no true felicity without virtue, which waspracticable in every situation. He greatly diminished my admiration ofgrandeur, by proving that those in a superior situation are neitherbetter nor happier than those they command. One of his maxims hasfrequently returned to my memory: it was, that if we could truly read thehearts of others we should feel more inclination to descend than rise:this reflection, the truth of which is striking without extravagance,I have found of great utility, in the various exigences of my life, as ittended to make me satisfied with my condition. He gave me the first justconception of relative duties, which my high-flown imagination had e