PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 1.
OCTOBER 2, 1841.
THE TIPTOES.
A SKETCH.
"The Wrongheads have been a considerable family ever sinceEngland was England."
VANBRUGH.
Morning and evening, from everyvillage within three or four miles of the metropolis, may beremarked a tide of young men wending diurnal way to and from theirrespective desks and counters in the city, preceded by a ripple oferrand-boys, and light porters, and followed by an ebb of plethoricelderly gentlemen in drab gaiters. Now these individualscompose—for the most part—that particular, yetindefinite class of people, who call themselves“gentlemen,” and are called by everybody else“persons.” They are a body—the advancedguard—of the “Tiptoes;” an army which invaded ussome thirty years ago, and which, since that time, has beenactively and perseveringly spoiling and desolating our modest,quiet, comfortable English homes, turning our parlours into“boudoirs,” ripping our fragrant patches of roses intofantastic “parterres,” covering our centre tables withalbums and wax flowers, and, in short (for these details pain us),stripping our nooks and corners of the welcome warm air of pleasanthomeliness, which was wont to be a charm and a privilege, tosubstitute for it a chilly gloss—an unwholesome strainingafter effect—a something less definite in its operation thanin its result, which is called—gentility.
To have done with simile. Our matrons have discovered thatluxury is specifically cheaper than comfort (and they regard themas independent, if not incompatible terms); and more than this,that comfort is, after all, but an irrelevant and dispensablecorollary to gentility, while luxury is its main prop and stay.Furthermore, that improvidence is a virtue of such lustre, thatitself or its likeness is essential to the very existence ofrespectability; and, by carrying out this proposition, that inorder to make the least amount of extravagance produce the utmostadmiration and envy, it is desirable to be improvident as publiclyas possible; the means for such expenditure being gleaned fromretrenchments in the home department. Thus, by a system of domesticalchemy, the education of the children is resolved into a vehicle;a couple of maids are amalgamated into a man in livery; while to asingle drudge, superintended and aided by the mistress and eldergirls, is confided the economy of the pantry, from whose meagreshelves are supplied supplementary blondes and kalydors.
Now a system of economy which can induce a mother to“bring up her children at home,” while she regards aphaeton as absolutely necessary to convey her to church and to hertradespeople, and an annual visit to the sea-side as perfectlyindispensable to restore the faded complexions of Frances andJemima, ruined by late hours and hot cream, may be considered opento censure by the philosopher who places women (and girls,i.e. unmarried women) in the rank of responsible or evenrational creatures. But in this disposition he would be clearlywrong. Before venturing to define the precise capacity of either anindividual or a class, their own opinion on the subject shouldassuredly be consulted; and we are quite sure that there is not oneof the lady Tiptoes who would not recoil with horror from thesuspicion of advancing or even of entertaining an idea—ithavi