Produced by David Widger
THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
(In 12 books)
Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
London, 1903
Let any one judge my surprise and grief at not finding her on my arrival.I now felt regret at having abandoned M. le Maitre, and my uneasinessincreased when I learned the misfortunes that had befallen him. His boxof music, containing all his fortune, that precious box, preserved withso much care and fatigue, had been seized on at Lyons by means of CountDortan, who had received information from the Chapter of our havingabsconded with it. In vain did Le Maitre reclaim his property, his meansof existence, the labor of his life; his right to the music in questionwas at least subject to litigation, but even that liberty was not allowedhim, the affair being instantly decided on the principal of superiorstrength. Thus poor Le Maitre lost the fruit of his talents, the laborof his youth, and principal dependence for the support of old age.
Nothing was wanting to render the news I had received truly afflicting,but I was at an age when even the greatest calamities are to besustained; accordingly I soon found consolation. I expected shortlyto hear news of Madam de Warrens, though I was ignorant of the address,and she knew nothing of my return. As to my desertion of Le Maitre (allthings considered) I did not find it so very culpable. I had beenserviceable to him at his retreat; it was not in my power to give him anyfurther assistance. Had I remained with him in France it would not havecured his complaint. I could not have saved his music, and should onlyhave doubled his expense: in this point of view I then saw my conduct;I see it otherwise now. It frequently happens that a villainous actiondoes not torment us at the instant we commit it, but on recollection, andsometimes even after a number of years have elapsed, for the remembranceof crimes is not to be extinguished.
The only means I had to obtain news of Madam de Warrens was to remain atAnnecy. Where should I seek her in Paris? or how bear the expense ofsuch a journey? Sooner or later there was no place where I could be socertain to hear of her as that I was now at; this considerationdetermined me to remain there, though my conduct was very indifferent.I did not go to the bishop, who had already befriended me, and mightcontinue to do so; my patroness was not present, and I feared hisreprimands on the subject of our flight; neither did I go to theseminary, M. Graswas no longer there; in short, I went to none of myacquaintances. I should gladly have visited the intendant's lady, butdid not dare; I did worse, I sought out M. Venture, whom (notwithstandingmy enthusiasm) I had never thought of since my departure. I found himquite gay, in high spirits, and the universal favorite of the ladies ofAnnecy.
This success completed my infatuation; I saw nothing but M. Venture; healmost made me forget even Madam de Warrens. That I might profit more atease by his instructions and example, I proposed to share his lodgings,to which he readily consented. It was at a shoemaker's; a pleasant,jovial fellow, who, in his county dialect, called his wife nothing buttrollop; an appellation which she certainly merited. Venture took careto augment their differences, though under an appearance of doing thedirect contrary, throwing out in a distant manner, and provincialaccents, hints that produced the utmost effect, and furnished such scenesas were sufficient to make any one die with laughter. Thus the morningspassed without our thinking of them; at two or three o'clock