E-text prepared by
Jeannie Howse, David Starner, Colin Bell,
and the Project Gutenberg
Online Distributed Proofreading Team
()
Transcriber's Note:
Inconsistent hyphenation and unusual spelling in the original document have been preserved.
Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.
For a complete list, please see the end of this document.
"He's a professional grafter."
"Who?"
"The nurseryman."
"You know Fatty Schultz the butcher. What do you suppose heweighs?"
"I don't know, what does he weigh?"
"Meat."
"I saw a sign in a hardware store to-day 'Cast iron sinks.' Asthough everyone wasn't wise to that."
"How are you to-day?"
"Oh, I can't kick."
"Thought you were ill."
"I am—I have the gout."
"Let me see," said the minister, who was filling out the marriagecertificate and had forgotten the date, "this is the fifth, is itnot?"
"No, sir!" said the bride, with some indignation, "this is onlymy third!"
[4]She—I had a $5 bill in this dictionary yesterday and I can'tfind it anywhere.
He—Did you look among the Vs, dear?
"Have you ever met my sister, Louisa?"
"Yes. She's rather stout, isn't she?"
"I have another at home—Lena."
"Why do you call that colored man a blackmailer."
"Because he is employed at the post-office. And that ain't theworst of it."
"No?"
"No, sir; his wife takes hush money."
"You don't say so!"
"I do. She's a child nurse."
I hear they are trying to close up the gambling establishments inNew York. Why didn't they close up Adam? He was the firstgambler. Didn't he start the races?
[5]"Gee, I just made a bad break," murmured the chef, as he threwaway some rotten eggs.
"This is our latest novelty," said the manufacturer, proudly."Good work, isn't it?"
"Not bad," replied the visitor, "b