PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Volume 108, February 16, 1895.
edited by Sir Francis Burnand
THE NON-CAPITALIST'S VADE MECUM.
Question. Having no cash you wish to make a living. Kindlytell me the objections to sweeping a crossing?
Answer. A small sum of money would be necessary to purchasea broom—a preliminary step that could not be surmounted.
Q. Quite so. And would a like difficulty arise to preventyou selling lucifers?
A. Certainly, for matches suitable for street hawking cannotbe obtained on credit.
Q. Would a clerkship be within your reach?
A. Scarcely, as a new suit, or a nearly new suit of clotheswould be requisite to give one the air of respectability necessary forsecuring an audience with an employer.
Q. Could you not become a company promoter?
A. Not with safety, now that the winding-up business issuperintended by a judge capable of understanding the intricacies ofcity finance.
Q. Is there any opening for you as a cab-driver?
A. No, as a license cannot be obtained for love, but must bebought with money.
Q. Surely you have a chance as a slave to journalism?
A. Writing for the press is at all times precarious, and is,moreover, a calling which cannot be followed without a small butimpossible expenditure on pens, ink. and paper.
Q. Has not life sometimes been supported by the successfulattempts to borrow from one's friends?
A. Yes, but this financial condition will have been enjoyedand abandoned before one can truthfully style oneself anex-capitalist.
Q. The sale of information of an interesting character tothose concerned has sometimes—has it not—been found of a profitablenature?
A. Occasionally, but this again is not only an unpleasantbut a dangerous operation, and if resisted, may end with an entirelyembarrassing prosecution at the Old Bailey.
Q. Then having no cash, no credit, and no references, whatcareer is open to you?
A. But one—to become the responsible manager of atheatrical company touring in the provinces.
"Tempora Mutantur."—In these days ofvery late dining hours a performance at 5P.M., if over at 7, or 7.15 at latest,ought to suit those whose daily work is over about 4 or 4.30, and whodislike "turning out" after dinner if they are at home, and who cannotget away from any dinner party if they are out in time to see evenhalf of the entertainment. The matinée at two is a verydifficult time, as it clashes with lunch; but as tea can be taken inthe entr'actes, five o'clock seems a very reasonable hour, thatis, if the show be over at 7.15, and the dinner hour be 8 or 8.15.
TRUE DIGNITY.
Barbara. "Oh, Mother dear, I've gotsuch a Pain!"
Mother. "Have you, Darling?Where?"
Barbara. "In the Proper Place, ofcourse!"
HINTS TO SKATERS ON ETIQUETTE AND DEPORTMENT.
Do not venture on the ice until you can skate properly. Practicethe various steps and evolutions before a looking-glass in yourbed-