PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Vol. 99.

August 30, 1890.

[pg97]

"WHY NOT LIVE OUT OF LONDON?"

SIR,—Capital subject recently started DailyTelegraph, with the above title. Just what I've been saying tomy wife for years past. "Why don't you and the family liveout of London," I have asked. And she has invariably replied, "Oh,yes, and what would you be doing in London?" I impress uponher that being the "bread-winner" (beautiful word, this!) my dutyis to be on the spot where the bread is won. I prove to her, infigures, that it is much cheaper for her and the family to live outof town, and for me to come down and see them, occasionally. Isn'tit cheaper for one to go to a theatre than four? Well, this applieseverywhere all round. With my Club and a good room I could get onvery well and very reasonably in London, and in the country my wifeand family would positively save enormously by my absence,as only the necessaries of life would be required. Dressingwould be next to nothing, so to speak, and they'd be out of reachof the temptations which London offers to those who love theatreentertainments, lunches at pastrycooks', shows, and shopping. Yes,emphatically, I repeat, "Why not live out of London?" But shewon't.

Yours,      ONE INA THOUSAND.

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SIR,—"Why not live out of London?" Of course. I dolive "out of London," and make a precious good living too out ofLondon. My friends the Butcher, the Baker, the Greengrocer (not avery green grocer either), the Tailor, the Shoemaker, &c.,&c., all say the same as

Yours cheerily,

CHARLES CHEDDAR (Cheesemonger).

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SIR,—I only wish everybody I don't want to see inLondon would live out of it. What a thrice blessed timeAugust would be then! Though indeed I infinitely appreciate smallmercies now. At all events, most people are away, my Club isnot closed, and I can enjoy myself prettythoroughly.          Yours,

Elbow RoomClub.        BEAUWINDER.

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SIR,—"Why not live out of London?" Because onecan't. Out of London there is only "existence." Is life worthliving anywhere except in London—and Paris; if you happen tobe there? No, no; those who like living "out of London," had betternot live at all.

Yours,        HIPPYCURE.

MR. PUNCH'S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

PRIVATE THEATRICALS.

"Tisn't a part that I feel, and I fear I shall make afailure;" i.e., "Easy as be blowed, but I'm thrown awayupon it."

TRADE EMBELLISHMENTS.

"The Ching-Twangs Central China Tea Company's selected growthof Early Green Leaf Spring Pickings;" i.e., "A damaged cargoand last year's rotten sweepings, mingled with chipped broom, driedcabbage, and other equally suitable and inviting ingredients."

AT LUNCHEON.

"No more, indeed, really;" i.e., "Had nothing toeat—but more of that stuff? No, thank you."

ELECTIONEERING.

"The Leaders to whom the Nation owes its recent period ofprosperity": i.e., "Gentlemen who have unavoidably remained inOffice during the revival of Trade."

"Having