bargain basement
By CHARLES L. FONTENAY
How could it give away such buys?
Very easy—by doing a business in
pennies and a profit in billions!
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Worlds of If Science Fiction, September 1959.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Jack Hanshaw was madder than a wet hen and his roommate, Ken Adaman,was enjoying his misfortune hugely.
"Not a blame thing!" snarled Jack, fiddling with the knobs of thetelevision set. "Not even static lines. First they give me a setwithout a plug-in cord, and now this one's got a no-good picture tube."
"You get what you pay for," said Ken, laughing. "I've warned you aboutthese so-called bargains. But what's this about the plug-in cord?"
Ken had been at work the day before, when Jack first brought the newtelevision set into their apartment and discovered that omission.
"I didn't see any point in saying anything about that last night,"admitted Jack. "After I bought the thing yesterday and brought it home,I found out it didn't have a cord to plug it in—not even a connectionin the back for a cord. I took it back to them and they said somethingabout the wrong kind of power and fixed it up for me last night."
"You got stung, old buddy," said Ken, unwinding his long legs from thearm of the easy chair. "They probably made it from junk parts."
"It doesn't look like it," said Jack stubbornly.
It didn't. The television set was shiny and new-looking, althoughrather odd. With a thirty-five-inch screen, it was only about sixinches thick, and it had a strange antenna of concentric circles on topinstead of the conventional rabbit ears. There were only two dials,one for the channels (it was lettered instead of numbered) and one foroff-on and volume.
"I'd take it back and demand my money," said Ken.
"I'll take it back, all right, but if they'll fix it, I don't want mymoney back. Guess how much it cost me."
"Well...." Ken pulled a stubby pipe from his coat pocket and began topack it slowly from a humidor on the chairside table. "Knowing yourbargains, I'd say about a hundred and fifty dollars."
"Two dollars," said Jack. "Two dollars and no strings attached."
Ken whistled. "I smell a sucker game somewhere."
"Maybe so, but what's two dollars? The materials are worth more thanthat as junk. And if they fix it.... How about going along with me toreturn it, Ken?"
Ken lit his pipe carefully and glanced at his wristwatch.
"Okay," he said, "if we can be back in an hour. I'm curious to seethis place, but I've got a date with Lorene tonight and I have to getcleaned up."
Jack winced. The roommates were competitors for the hand of LoreneShavely, the pert brunette in the tobacco store down the street. ButKen was getting so much the better of it that it could be calledcompetition in name only by now.
"It's only about five blocks, on Gehannon Street," Jack said. "We'll beback in time."
He repacked the television set in its box.
"Ardex," said Ken, reading the name on the box. "Off-brand. I neverheard of it before."
They set out, Jack carrying the box under one arm. The set wasremarkably light for its size.
The street lights were coming on along Gehannon Street, for it wasfive o'clock on a winter afternoon. Jack bought a late edition from anewsboy on the corner.
"Probably closed by now," said Ken.
But it wasn't. Just past Win