PERKINS OF PORTLAND
PERKINS THE GREAT
By Ellis Parker Butler
BOSTON HERBERT B. TURNER & CO. 1906
CONTENTS
II. THE ADVENTURE OF MR. SILAS BOGGS
III. THE ADVENTURE OF THE LAME AND THE HALT
IV. THE ADVENTURE OF THE FIFTH STREET CHURCH
V. THE ADVENTURE IN AUTOMOBILES
VII. THE ADVENTURE OF THE CRIMSON CORD
VIII. THE ADVENTURE OF THE PRINCESS OF PILLIWINK
I. MR. PERKINS OF PORTLAND
THERE was very little about Perkins that was not peculiar. To mention hispeculiarities would be a long task; he was peculiar from the ground up.His shoes had rubber soles, his hat had peculiar mansard ventilators oneach side, his garments were vile as to fit, and altogether he had theappearance of being a composite picture.
We first met in the Golden Hotel office in Cleveland, Ohio. I was readinga late copy of a morning paper and smoking a very fairish sort of cigar,when a hand was laid on my arm. I turned and saw in the chair beside me abeaming face.
“Just read that!” he said, poking an envelope under my nose. “No, no!” hecried; “on the back of it.”
What I read was:
“Perkins's Patent Porous Plaster Makes all pains and aches fly faster.”
“Great, isn't it?” he asked, before I could express myself. “That firstline, 'Perkins's Patent Porous Plaster,' just takes the cake. And the lastline! That is a gem, if I do say it myself. Has the whole story in sevenwords. 'All pains and aches!' Everything from sore feet to backache; allthe way from A to Z in the dictionary of diseases. Comprehensive as apresidential message. Full of meat as a refrigerator- car. 'Fly faster!'Faster than any other patent med. or dope would make them fly. 'Makes!'They've got to fly! See? 'Perkins's Patent Porous Plaster MAKES all painsand aches fly faster,' 'makes ALL pains and aches fly faster,' 'makes allpains and aches fly FASTER.' Isn't she a beaut.? Say, you can't forgetthat in a thousand years. You'll find yourself saying it on yourdeath-bed:
“'Perkins's Patent Porous PlasterMakes all pains and aches fly faster.'”
I held the envelope toward him, but he only tapped it with his finger.
“There is a fortune in those two lines,” he said. “I know it I'm Perkins,known from Maine to California as Perkins of Portland, Perkins theOriginator. I have originated more ads. than any man living. See thatshoe? It's the 'Go-lightly' kind. I originated the term. See